Drug addict. Junkie. Drunk.

You don’t care. You are not interested. It’s all about you and your needs. Fuck everyone else or relationships, you need to get your fix. It’s selfish, self-centered behavior, where the Master is in control of your life- it says where you are or where you are going. Your Master is the drug. You are a slave. You obey only your boss. Whatever your Master says or cooks up, you do and go with it. You don’t think or feel. Responsibilities feel too heavy, so you skip those. You’d rather run away from everything else but hitting the needle and getting high. As long as you are feeling fine, it’s the only thing that matters. You need it, the drug, because it commands you to use. And it justifies why you need it. It gives you a getaway from this cruel world, helps you smile, activates you to go shopping and clean your place. It gives you the ultimate euphoria. Life’s good. Until it stops working. Then it reveals it own, true face:

It’s me, your Master, and you are my slave for the rest of your life

I’ll give you the euphoria and a getaway from this reality but as payment I’ll take away everything

I’ll take your health, your soul, your money, your freedom, your empathy, your family, your children and your friends

I take away everything  you’ve ever loved and appreciated.

I command, you obey, but remember- I didn’t come to you, you came to me.

You wanted me- to try at first, then more and more everyday, because I enchanted you in a way you’ve never seen before.

I don’t care if you’re rich or poor, healthy or sick, at work or at school. I don’t even care about your age- 12 or 50- I’m always here for you

 ”You’ll find me easily because I’m everywhere- I can be your neighbour, you just don’t know it yet

I’ll turn you into a rat, a snitch, a cheating bastard. I’ll make you steal and cheat money from your loved ones only because you need me so bad. You are ready to do anything in order to have another fix.

Only death do us part. Before that I’ve destroyed everything around you.


And yet another victim added up to a long list of victims. I could say to everyone who is even considering using drugs- DON’T. I tried. I got addicted right away and it made me try to kill myself few times- the most severe time was crashing under a truck on a highway. It made me deceive anyone, in order to get the fix for the day. It made me as cold as ice. It turned me into a selfish bastard whose moral and ethics were gone. My ability to feel empathy was getting lower and I wasn’t feeling anything towards anyone. I couldn’t tell  if it was Monday or Friday. It was the same everyday- highs and lows were only on the schedule. Every day was drug controlled and at the end of the day you were feeling paranoid. At the same time the voices in your head were adding even more to that feeling and sometimes it was getting really twisted. It was a miracle that I didn’t lose my mind and got send to a mental hospital. Well, 4 days I was, but not otherwise.

If it is possible, don’t touch drugs, any of them. As I wrote earlier, it takes everything from you and from your loved ones. Is it really worth all that? I’ll tell you, it really isn’t. You’ll have great highs and so on, but as a payment for that, it eats you from the inside like a rat. It changes you, your personality and your values upside down. You become cold-hearted, nothing matters except for where are you going to get the fix of the day. That is the most important thing in the whole world. You might want to think it twice do you want to play that game?  I’ll tell you- it’s the game you’re gonna lose. I lost too, twice, but as a miracle I got a third chance and I took it ruthlessly. Some research say that only 5% of drug users survive. Five percent. I’m a part of that gang and I can be proud about it. On the other hand you might not want to take that risk that you would survive. Only the ones that survived know what kind of a fucking hell it is, before you are clean. It took 2,5 years of my life living in a black box before I saw the light.

That is a long time to be living in the darkness.


(Translated by my fiancee and revised by her friend)